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First off, I will say that I have never previously owned a leather-alternative/vegan product before. It’s not that I don’t WANT to, but most vegan products are outrageously expensive and are usually made of a material that is less than comfortable. But, since ASI has had several inquiries about vegan gear we decided to try our hand at a product review for Kinky Vegan.

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Question:

“i’ve been a sub for a little over a year. my last Dom didn’t listen to the safety word or even when i said stop and didn’t give any aftercare. being a sub has opened a passionate side of me i thought would never appear but i’m afraid to get another bad Dom. if you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.”

First off I want to say that I’m sorry you had to go through that. It is unfortunate that some people think that being a Dom means they abuse their submissives. I know it will probably take a lot of trust on your part to be able to take the “gamble” and enter into another D/s relationship, so take your time to heal and learn what you want to get out of your next relationships first. We have several articles on our website that deal with abuse and BDSM, so please feel free to go through these results and I hope they will help you out. Also, we have a sister page, The Safe Submissive, that posts more about safety issues and abuse within the community and several groups on different social sites if you need any support.

After diving head first (as most of us do) into the world of BDSM we generally start to feel comfortable enough to purchase a few “toys”, then a few more, and a few more, and just a couple more.. until we have a collection that needs its own hiding space in the back of the closet. Sure, these toys are plenty of fun, but do you know how to properly take care of them? (more…)

I have written this article with beginners in mind, so for those of us that are more seasoned, you may not learn anything new by reading this, but, then again, you might, and we all had to start somewhere! If you’ve ever been to an adult toy store, or shopped online for toys, I’m sure most of us have noticed something. Unless you have quite a bit of disposable income, a lot of these things are pretty expensive, not to mention some being straight up laughable.

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tumblr_mr6ajoTFOa1swo0q8o1_500To be a Dominant, a true Dominant, is a hard job. Aside from the usual load of daily ‘Domhood’, a Dominant has to read His submissive. This is a very hard thing to do because how is one Man, whom from our submissive eyes is supposed to be this all knowing and in control person up on His pedestal, unable to just read us like a book? He has before, with a touch, a command. He’s shown that He knows you in how He treats you. So we assume its easy for Him to do so, to see through us because from the moment we became His, we think or believe somewhere deep within our minds that somehow He gained these magical ‘Dominant Powers’ that make Him everything He is when He is with us. He doesn’t and there isn’t. He is just a Man. A strong Man who can melt us with one glance and somehow bring out the best, or at least the desire to be our best, just for Him. (more…)

This is my personal story about how discovering and learning about BDSM helped my husband and me come to an important understanding within our marriage, as well as guided me to a place in my life where I am now comfortable with my body and who I am as a person. This is the journey from a vanilla marriage that was quickly falling apart to a 24/7 D/s lifestyle that has helped us become closer than ever. (more…)

Those red flags are there to expose an abuser if only we were trained to see them. You will read the list and think “Now why oh why didn’t I think of that!” This checklist is a general one, as well all know in the BDSM lifestyle, some of these signs are not that of an abuser but of a good dominant, but like all things it doesn’t hurt to have a good idea about what might fall under the category of a potential abusive relationship/person.

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“I loved your book so much I tried to tie up my boyfriend while he was asleep. He woke up before I could, but it all worked out anyway…”

Ah, the delicious meaning in that dot, dot, dot. This fan mail is one of my favorites, a definite keeper, but it is probably not the best approach for introducing BDSM in your bedroom. The road to restraining orders starts here.

The truth is, I’ve always had readers interested in this topic but the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomena has planted seeds in the minds of millions of Americans. So how do you introduce BDSM into your bedroom in a way that can lead to fun, intimacy and a little dot, dot, dot?

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ATTENTION! The PCA/ACA (Popular Culture Association/American Culture Association) is “looking for presenters for the 2014 conference! This is an academic setting. Papers don’t actually have to be written, but an intelligent and thoughtful presentation is a must.”

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“CALL FOR PAPERS

We are interested in any and all topics about or related to the study of BDSM, sexual kink, or sexual fetishes in all genres, all media, all countries, all kinds, and all eras. All representations of BDSM, Kink, and fetishes in popular culture (fiction, stage, screen—large or small, commercial, advertising, music, song, dance, online, real life, etc.), from anywhere and any-when, are welcome topics of discussion. We also welcome any academic discussion of the real-life practice of BDSM, sexual kink, or sexual fetishes, as well as the lived experiences of people identifying as kinky.

We will consider proposals for individual papers, sessions organized around a theme, and special panels. Sessions are scheduled in one-hour slots, ideally with four papers or speakers per standard session.

Submit a one-page (200-300 words) proposal or abstract.

Please send all inquires to:

Michelle Martinez

Sam Houston State University

mmartinez@shsu.edu”

http://pcaaca.org/bdsmkinkfetish-studies/

Fan Question:

“I am at the end of my rope and don’t know where to turn now.. I have been with my partner for 3 years now but or relationship seems to be at a standstill if not dissolving. I am a lost slave so to speak.. My partner is a Master however he has never collared me which is causing its own issues for me mentally and emotionally. My problem is that I have tried to express my needs and desires to him in various ways all ending in failure. My latest efforts ended with him calling me an ingrate for disagreeing that it should all be my responsibility to get attention I am craving. I often feel he isn’t interested in me anymore making it hard to dress up for him or even get close to him I feel rejected. I have gone so long without my needs being met that I have become somewhat of a brat which he is blanking for his lack of interest. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel so lost without having aspects of feeling owned and loved. Any advise could help at this point I really an at my wits end with how to even communicate my needs anymore….”

 

Answer:

I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. My advice would be to let him know that you are feeling helpless about his lack attention and that it is something you feel you need in order to continue in this relationship. If he keeps ignoring your attempts without any sort of recognition or compromise, then maybe it’s time to ask for release and find someone who is more attentive and respectful. A proper Dom should be open to listening to his sub/slave. Not that they will always get their way, but communication is a big part of creating a healthy relationship! And it has to go both ways.

Erin Houdini hand dyes beautiful rope, but her UV rope is super cool!

Erin’s website: http://www.erinhoudini.com/
Erin Houdini Rope Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ErinHoudiniRope
Erin Houdini Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/54356

A Submissive’s Initiative website: http://www.asibdsm.com
ASI’s Facebook: http://www.facebok.com/ASI.BDSM

 

*It has some to our attention that due to the loose spun of the nylon this rope may fray or get fuzzy after heavy use. Will be doing another short comparison review after some “testing”*

“What are the possibilities of such a relationship working over the internet? Also, both men and women are prone to cheating on internet partners. Seeing you feel so strongly about the mutual respect, trust, “cherish your partner”, all those things mentioned in the one post of yours. Do those “rules” then apply to a virtual relationship as well? I’m totally new to this entire concept….”

Answer:
What rules apply to a relationship are up to those actively engaged in that relationship. Some people find that online relationships lack a physical aspect and therefore find that it’s entirely appropriate for their partners to seek affection in real life. Others cannot emotionally deal with the idea of their partner being with someone else physically and find that online play is sufficient for both of them. Either way, communication and honesty are key to making an online relationship last. If you are open about your expectations and desires, then you will find a relationship (online or real life) that works for you.


Fool boy is waiting his girlfriend

(This page is written to address BDSM for nice guys; there’s an
introduction to BDSM for good girls on the Web here.)

So you’re a nice guy. You think that people should be treated with respect and courtesy; you find violence, particularly violence against women, reprehensible; you would never, under any circumstances, raise your hand in anger against someone you love. And now your partner is asking you to tie her up, or call her names, or spank her, or maybe even “rape” her. All this goes against everything you believe. What do you do? (more…)

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