Michael Makai- Author of “Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook”

The Jian Ghomeshi scandal has become unavoidable. It is literally everywhere on the internet, television and, of course, on the radio. If you’ve been living under a rock, here’s a timeline by Global News of accusations and evidence against the former radio show host. Since he was let go by CBC, the scandal has started a much needed social discussion on BDSM and what consent actually is. Not only that, but it has also prompted the question “Why don’t victims speak up?” or the idea of the “Jian Ghomeshi Effect” that Camilla Gibb talks about in her recent Salon article.

So let’s explore the definition of consent shall we. If I were to explain consent to a child, I would say it simply means saying “yes” or giving permission. However, for adults consent usually isn’t that black and white. There are grey areas where we could argue that consent was implied or previously agreed upon. (more…)

Subspace Poll

I thought I would try out the new poll plugin for ASI with my articles on subspace and drop, and Domspace and drop! We are always educating ourselves with information in this lifestyle, but there isn’t much ‘real time’ applicable reasearch, even simple polls,to let us know what current trends there are, or even how we may feel about a certain subject. I don’t know about you, but I like participating in ‘real time’ stuff like that! As with my last poll, I will be keeping this one open indefinitely, so we can also see how things may or may not change as time passes. Thanks everyone for taking the time to participate! And if you haven’t read the articles that go with this poll, and would like to, you can right here:

To Subspace, Sub-drop and Beyond! / To Domspace, Dom-drop and Beyond

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Also sometimes referred to as ‘Top-space’ and ‘Top-drop’, you don’t hear about Domspace and Dom-drop as often as you do subspace and sub-drop. Why not? There are some speculative reasons, as I will call them. For starters, society mostly still praises gender defined rolls, and the hype is that since men don’t talk about their feelings much, and since most men in BDSM must be Doms, then…..Wrong! Anyone who is in the lifestyle in a serious educated manner can squash that pretty quickly. Another speculation, often heard from subs who are just starting their exploration, is that Doms must somehow be impervious to giving into their feelings because they seem so in control all the time, after all, they are dominant, right? Make no mistake, this thought is not usually perpetuated by insensitivity to another’s needs, but rather by a higher experience level Dom with a beginner sub, who in the findings of their new lifestyle, often see their Doms as being ‘Invincible’ when caught up in it. The Dom naturally takes his position, caring for the sub and their needs and ‘education’ as it were, to his specifications and their agreed upon situations. Sadly, I cannot seem to find any scientific information, studies, or otherwise that seem totally reliable on these subjects. I did find many, many blogs, articles and personal stories from all level of experience, and will use that information to the best of my ability to hopefully give you some relevant and helpful information.

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During mentoring sessions with new or less-experienced Dommes, when I mention subspace, the reply I often get is, “What is that?”The subspace and aftercare are topics that tops playing in SL are often unaware of. To ensure everyone is safe and happy, however, Dommes need to have a working knowledge of what subspace is, what causes it, how to identify if a sub is in subspace when playing and how to spot the signs of sub-drop. 

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