“Would you have any suggestions for therapy for a male submissive that was involved in an abusive relationship? He can’t afford therapy and there are no sliding scale kink aware therapists in his area. Just wondering if you might know of any online resources.”
Check out our sister page: The Safe Submissive There are several of resources on that page as well as on our website under Abuse Resources: http://asibdsm.com/bdsm-resources/abuse-bdsm-resources/
The ABC’s of Kink and Abuse written by silverdreams
Personal responsibility and obligation is a difficult topic to write about. It differs for each of us. Trying to find a balance between each individual’s personal responsibility and the obligation we owe to each other within a community is like walking a tightrope- focus too much on personal responsibility and we risk “blaming the victim”; focus more on community obligation and we risk blaming the community for the actions of a few. We each have our comfort levels. We each have what we’re willing to believe. And we each know how much we want to pretend that all of the questions we ask will have answers.
Nevertheless, I believe that both personal responsibility and the community’s obligation towards others is the first line of defense in combating abusive behavior within the BDSM scene. (more…)
Those red flags are there to expose an abuser if only we were trained to see them. You will read the list and think “Now why oh why didn’t I think of that!” This checklist is a general one, as well all know in the BDSM lifestyle, some of these signs are not that of an abuser but of a good dominant, but like all things it doesn’t hurt to have a good idea about what might fall under the category of a potential abusive relationship/person.
Groups, websites and other Abuse BDSM Resources
New resources marked with an asterisk (*)
If you or someone else you know is being abused please contact one of the follow organizations for help!
101 Great Sources for Domestic Violence Prevention *
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE) TTY: 1-800-787-3224
National Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
National Electronic Network on Violence Against Women
A resource for advocates working with abused women, with information on all forms of oppression and their intersection with intimate partner violence, among other resources.
Violence Against women Online Resources
Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse
Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence Not for API only
Safe Horizon Virtual Domestic Violence Shelter Tour and Information Site. This site will take you on a virtual tour of a domestic violence shelter and answer your questions about shelters.
National Network to End Domestic Violence
Legal Momentum (formerly NOW legal Defense & Education Fund). Organizations providing services and legal referral to women with legal issues arising from domestic violence, including child custody.
WOMEN OF COLOR, IMMIGRANTS, RELIGIOUS RESOURCES:
Hot Peach Pages Domestic Violence information in 70 languages
Native American Women: Barriers to Living Free. Short informative article on historical context, spirituality and more.
Black Women’s Health Everything an African American women would want to know about her health and information about domestic violence
Race, Health Care and the Law (Text in English, Spanish and Portuguese) Links to articles: “The Plight of Black Battered Women” on mistreatment of battered black women by the law. “The Effect of Racism on Domestic Violence Resources”: implications of race for women, men, the family, the justice system.
Multicultural Perspectives on Domestic Violence in the U.S. Click on African American and scroll down to find an extensive bibliography
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Communities (for general information on domestic violence specific to African American women.)
National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic Violence (Alianza). Information and resources on domestic violence specific to Latinas.
Arte Sana: Healing Hearts Through the Arts Links and bibliography including videotapes. Some sources are bilingual/ trilingual.
Race, Health Care and the Law Links and bibliography including videotapes.
Asian Family Violence Report: “A study of Cambodian, Chinese, Korean, South Asian and Vietnamese Communities in Massachusetts” by Marianne Yoshioka. “To help members of Asian communities start a dalogue about family violence.”
Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence. Articles on numerous topics specializing in but not limited to Asian and Pacific Islanders, trafficking, domestic violence and the intersection of cultures.
(East) Indian Women and Violence -Lengthy bibliography.
Multicultural Perspectives on Domestic Violence in the U.S. Extensive bibliography of mostly academic articles and books on Asians, south Asians, Latin Americans, Native Americans, African Americans listed by author, country and tribe.
Family Violence Prevention Fund:The Facts on Immigrant women and Domestic Violence Fact Sheet on Immigrant women
Tapestri Immigration and Refugee Coalition Challenging Gender Based Oppression Works on Sexual assault domestic violence and trafficking.
RELIGIOUS RESOURCES:
Faith Trust Institute Books and videos on domestic violence in Christian, Muslim and Jewish communities, including God’s Reconciling Love: A pastor’s Handbook on Domestic Violence, Circles of Healing: A support group curriculum for abused Christian Women,Keeping the Faith by Rev Marie Fortune.
“Ending Domestic Violence in Muslim Families” by Muslim scholar Sharifa Alkhateeb covers the basics on the topic, illustrating her points from Muslim women’s experiences.
Jewish Women International for information about domestic abuse in Jewish communities and excellent resources for abused women and Rabbis.
WOMEN WITH DISABILITIES
“Model Protocol for Safety Planning for Domestic Violence Victims With Disabilities” by Cathy Hoog, published by Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence (WSCADV). This 19 page publication on line is written for advocates and others who work with people who are disabled, but if you are abused it can be a useful guide in making a safety plan for yourself.
Overview of Literature on Domestic Violence and Disabilities Karen Howe: “Violence Against Women with Disabilities: An Overview of the Literature.”
National Council on Disabilities State and federal contact information and resources, including laws.
WOMEN WHO ARE DEAF
ADWAS: ABUSED DEAF WOMEN’S ADVOCACY SERVICES Pamphlets, books and films for deaf women who are abused. They are easy to read and have lots of illustrations. TTY: 800-787-3224.
DOVE: Advocacy Services for Abused Deaf Women and Children.
DWIAA: Des Moines Deaf Women of Iowa Against Abuse.
ASADV: Rochester Advocacy Services for Deaf Victims.
RURAL AND NATIVE AMERICAN WOMEN
The Rural Womyn Zone News about rural woman abuse, Native American abuse; links to national rural women’s task force on abuse and resources.
TEENS:
Futures Without Violence: Tweens and Teens
Center for domestic violence Prevention
Support line for teens and link to Teen Relationships Website
See also these books by Barrie Levy:
LESBIANS:
National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs Studies and reports on battering in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities. Coalition of over 20 programs in many states.
MEN WHO BATTER
Emerge- The oldest organization running groups for men who batter, heterosexual and gay. Some materials designed to help victim/survivors be safe are available on line. Other useful articles on a number of topics can be ordered.
Lundy Bancroft- Bancroft’s website makes available online his articles on custody, groups for men who batter and other topics, as well as a bibiliograpy, which includes his excellent books.
Homelessness
Housing Assistance Council
Corporation for Supportive Housing- Ending Long-Term Homelessness Services Initiative, a proposal for a new federal program policy paper.
Laying a New Foundation:- Changing the Systems that Create and Sustain Supportive Housing. Corporation for Supportive Housing 2003. Several state case studies and CSH publications illustrating approaches to solutions. 77 pages of practical strategies, step by step.
WORK
What Unions Can do Step by step suggestions on action by unions to aid abused workers, plus union contract agreements that incorporate safety for abused workers and accountability and support for perpetrators.
Abuse Resources
Kinky Little Girl- On Abuse and BDSM
Abuse and BDSM- Leather and Roses
Sexual Abuse Resource Center
By Drea Martin
Something that I’m encountering with alarmingly increasing regularity is the excusing of abusive behavior under the guise of BDSM. I have recently come in contact with a number of women who have described to me vicious scenarios of untempered abuse at the hands of their Dominant. Threats of being left, accusations of not being a ‘real sub’ and many other tactics are used by the perpetrator to force the submissive to go beyond their hard limit boundaries or to endure much more pain, degradation, or humiliation than is reasonable. I’d like to pause here a moment to explain that, though it has been female submissives sharing their stories with me, this isn’t something that is at all bound by gender. Males can be, and often are, victims of the same abuses that females are subjected to. This is especially true within the dynamic of Domination/submission (D/s) because a much deeper level of trust is engendered, as well as the element of perceived control, versus a vanilla relationship.
Mistress Karin is the Mistress and owner of Dungeons Down Under in Oklahoma, and the head of her poly family and household. Though she stays busy, she was kind enough to grant me time out of her hectic schedule to share some advice for those within the lifestyle and some of her experiences over the years; first as a submissive and now a Dominant and Mistress.
Photography by Riley, Editing by Baxely Fine
Written by Delilah Night. Republished with exclusive permission.
This is an article I wrote to address an absence of information surrounding the topic of Pregnant BDSM. I was approximately 8 weeks from finishing my first successful pregnancy, and when I choose to become pregnant again, I hope that I’m in a position to revise and edit this further.
This was an article that was challenging to write. I am not an expert, nor am I pro domme, a doctor, a midwife, or anything other than a kinky woman who while pregnant wanted to safely continue practicing BDSM. I searched the web for advice as to what was safe at which point in the pregnancy and found a vacuum, rather than solid advice. Due to that dearth of information, I decided to present my findings and my experiences for public consumption.
I got my information through exhaustive querying of the internet, doctors, nurses, EMT’s, Kinksters who are also parents that I met at lifestyle events, pro-dommes, presenters at Dark Odyssey 2008 and Floating World 2008, and anyone who I thought might know anything about the topic. I made a lot of people embarrassed, but slowly I gained information, found practices that I felt safe engaging in, some new practices to try, and met a lot of cool people (and squicked a few people as well).
***************Disclaimer***********************
This is by no means a comprehensive discussion and you should do research on your own and discuss with your partner what boundaries and lines YOU are comfortable with. I am not a medical professional, and I take no responsibility or liability for results of activities discussed herein.
Every day at A Submissive’s Initiative™ we get countless messages and emails about how to get involved in BDSM and the community so I’ve decided to put together a handy list of our top 10 FAQ for easy reference.
Our Windy Meadoes by Laura Makabresku
Written by http://notsogrowedup.wordpress.com
When it comes to Daddy Dom/little girl relationships, it takes two very unique and specific types of people to make the relationship work. It is not enough simply to be a dominant or a submissive, you need to be more than that to fulfill the roles of either a Daddy Dom or a little. i have already talked about what makes you a little in my post How Do You Know if You are a Little and now it is on to the other half of the relationship, the Daddy Dom.
BDSM and D/s relationships have been in existence for as long as there have been relationships! In fact, back in the 1950s it wasn’t uncommon to see ads depicting husbands spanking their wives over their laps. Of course over time, images and even the prospect of these acts happening in the home were deemed sexist and demeaning. Couples living the lifestyle went into hiding for fear of being seen as deviant and possibly locked up for such reasons.
